im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i think my cat just said my name.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
