Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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