Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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