I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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