the new term for farting is butt boxing.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
