Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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