How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
