I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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