How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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