five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
