you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
