does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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