i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
