'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
