fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
