I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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