I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
