i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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