I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
