It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize