is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize