i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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