also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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