"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
