Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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