if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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