You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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