At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
