Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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