If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
