I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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