I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
