My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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