he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
