Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
