it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
