is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
then he tried to convert me to islam
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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