I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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