Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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