I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
