The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
