She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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