I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
