Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
