im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
