I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You don't make any sense
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