i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize