I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
