There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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