you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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