pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hello my rib-scented angel!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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