I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I need mimosas to revive my soul
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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