I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
