i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
