i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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