bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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