I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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