can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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