we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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