the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
