I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just high enough for therapy.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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