I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
