I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
