Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
