If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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