Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
