Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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